Friday, November 16, 2007

Thoughts of Children

My emotions have been very high this week. My head and heart are in “baby mode” but my body is just not letting it happen. For the past 6 years, my husband and I have not “not” been trying to have children. Up until 6 months ago, I thought I was okay with not having children. We’ve talked about having children off and on..even about adoption. But for the last 6 months my “wanting a baby” emotions have been very high. It’s pretty hard too. I’m surround by pregnant friends and family members. I really try to keep a happy attitude about it but it’s getting harder.

Back in July/August, I went on a leaders retreat for our women’s group. I went up with the lady who oversees this ministry a day before everyone else to setup everything. The night before everyone else got there we were up late talking and she asked me about having children. She told me her story and then she told me that God was telling her to pray with me in regards to children. She told me that she knew God was going to bless me and my husband with children

Last Monday was the end of a Beth Moore Bible Study “Believing God” that our women’s ministry at church had been doing. Our last assignment was to write down what we were praying for and what we believed in God for. I wrote on my index card that I was praying for God to bless my marriage with children and that I believed God was going to do that!

Wednesday on my way to work, our local Christian radio station was playing an interview from Steven Curtis Chapman. He was talking about his program for adoption - Shaohannah's Hope. His interview had me in tears. All the way to work I was crying. I really couldn’t tell you why other than I felt like my heart was overflowing with love and understanding. I sat out in the car listening to the interview finish and then they played his song “When Love Takes You In”. More tears. I was sobbing. My only thoughts were “God, is this how you are going to bless us with children”. I immediately called my husband. I couldn’t even talk my emotions were so strong. I mumbled through a little and told him we needed to talk.

Now my husband has always thought about adoption but he didn’t push the issue because he didn’t think I was ready. I’ve printed off a bunch of information from Steven’s website regarding adoption and I really want to get the book “Fields of Fatherless” to read.

My emotions are still high in regards to children. But I have a new sense of eagerness to learn all I can about adoption. I know that last Wednesday God was showing me that he will answer my prayers for children. It may be from natural birth or from adoption. I know my husband and I have a lot of love to share. I’m excited about learning about adoption. Even if for some reason we are unable to do so, I know that this desire to learn is from God and that he has plans for us in some form. We must wait patiently. Keep us in your prayers!


your hubby said...

I love you!

Dan said...

Hey...this is dan, you might know me as Nyar...i play halo with your man, went to the tournament in detroit. Anyway, I can really feel where you're coming from in this post about adoption. My wife and I adopted a little boy a year and a half ago and it's been amazing. If you want to know anything please feel free to email me. Check out my myspace page for pictures of my boy :)

I hope everything goes well for you.

-dan cawley


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